I wonder if I could count how many times I wonder how I am screwing things up.
I wonder how many times I actually am.
And I wonder how God deals with all the prayers and requests going up in such chaotic, differently organized ways around the world from so many people.
I cannot even keep up with the prayer requests within our own ministry.
Praying them...and then figuring out which ones we can and are supposed to answer/act on.
We are supposed to be finishing the Milk Project building. It has been what...four years in the making? I thought we could finish by the end of the year. I prayed it, and spent money in faith that we would be able to do it. Now...I am not so sure.
How many homes in the Milk Project need minor work? How many need major work? How many are practically falling apart, like this one...that needs a roof, new wood for the roof, new walls, a floor, and virtually everything else?
Our Churches and their members. One of the rural families was dealing with another family threatening their lives...over where someone dug a trench in the road for a pipe. Another Church has been struggling for a year to reach more than a handful of adults, wearing greatly on the pastor there. Another is reaching deeper into its community trying to reach the youth via one of the public high schools, seeing success but also many issues plaguing the youth of Honduras.
How can we help the Church in Cantaranas with their wall work? What about the needs of some of the people that work for us and dealing with poor living conditions? What about the fact that they will be closing the road in front of the clinic soon for sewer and road work, and we need to make modifications to the man cave to be able to drive in and out of the property...possibly for months?
What if it keeps raining and we cannot build the house the workers need to do the coffee harvest in Sampedrana this year? How will our new foreman in Las Botijas deal with his father-in-law being near death and many hours away?
How do I pray for a pastor and his wife in the US dealing with cancer? How do I approach those that are close to us that do not know Christ? Our truck that was overheating...the government paperwork roadblocks on several fronts, the need versus funds for more staff, how to plan for retirement help better for existing staff...I better stop. You get the idea. Although part of me hopes you don't get the idea.
I think about Christ walking the earth, through crowds, and calling out to Zacchaeus...but not all the others in that crowd with needs, prayers. And so many other times.
I was looking at the old and new mosaic floor in the upstairs offices last week. Pretty. And then thinking about in how many directions one could go, tile to tile.
Which way would you go? If you are tall enough, you see easily. But when you are right on top of each tile, the only way to see the way out is to look on the horizon to the light. Metaphors like that jump out at me sometimes.
I'll have to keep working. I'll have to keep walking, watching, choosing to see, and talking with Him that can only really build anything that lasts, that one tile at a time... He will work it all out. Because heaven knows it...life...is more than any of us can do well on our own.