palliative care

I learned a new word this week.  Usually I like learning new words.  I like having different ways to express my thoughts, to be challenged, or just entertained by word origins and the like.  

However, the word palliative, I do not like.  It was included in a message from a brother in Christ discussing pain management of his wife who is battling stage 4 pancreatic cancer.  In fact, when I looked the word up...I got angry that such a word exists.  

Palliative...adjective...(of a medicine or medical care) relieving pain without dealing with the cause of the condition.

​Not dealing with the cause?  I was outraged, indignant, and just angry.  

In the context, it just felt like it was a system saying "we give up."  

I understand, rationally, that sometimes such care is all you can medically give, but emotionally when tied to this person I know and respect, I was not having it.

I have not been able to let it go either, as you can see.  It still bugs me.  And not just in praying for Carrie (stop...say a prayer for her complete healing right now.  Thank you)  but also on a metaphorical level.  

I regularly struggle hard with how I live my life, and how I do my job.  I have many little voices in my head that are quite persistent in that I do not do a "good" job, a Christ honoring job...in general that I suck as a human being.  

Am I, are we, is this organization...just putting band-aids on gaping wounds?  Covering it up, but not really solving anything?

Are we really changing anything that matters long term?

Or is this all somehow just something to provide the "palliative"... that looks good, but isn't getting to the heart of the matter?

We have clearly not found all the answers to these questions...but I think part of the struggle of life is to genuinely ask, and answer, these questions on a regular basis.  

Are we feeding children, not just for physical strength, but to change their spiritual lives long term...giving them opportunities to know God on a real heart level...helping them educationally to be in a better job force related way...helping them to see how they can impact and transform their communities?

Are we using resources well, planning on transportation need, making good choices, thinking things through on what can help us get the most bang for our buck, being the safest option, being the most reliable option...trucks, buildings, equipment...how is it all helping us do what we are called to do, and what is just in the way or not worth it?

Are we reflecting the light of Christ in our lives in what we say, how we say it, the expression on our face...and how we interact with others, especially those that disagree with us or don't like us?

I could go on of course.  Part of the reason I think I have lasted so long living in Honduras is learning the ability to ask those questions, sometimes being uncomfortable with the answers, or in the lack of a good answer, and being able to stay rooted to Christ, because...where else would I go?  

We should improve.  We must improve, we must grow, and seek to get closer to Christ.  That doesn't mean you get to see the plan, the results, or the why.

Sometimes though, you do get to see the evidence of the work held in a smiling child's hand.  Sometimes as well you remember, that child lost her mother last month. 

I get angry, I get sad, I get depressed...but at the heart of the matter, the foundation of it all is not some salve to just take the sting away...it is Christ, who conquered death, and reigns.  

If we share that in what we do and who we are, it means something, it matters, and He works it out for good.  

Christ is not palliative...He is Lord.  

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